Jack and I used to come here on a Summer Sunday evening. We'd buy soft serve cones, drive to this Nearby lake and lick the ice-cream before we Were left with sticky fingers. (That was the name of the drive thru where We bought our treats, Sticky Fingers.) Sitting in our lawn chairs we watched the Boats. In his younger days Jack had one. He loved fishing from his boat or Just skimming across the water in it. Once he and Mary Lou swamped their Boat right here in this reservoir. It was a perfect Sunday evening for me To come back, the first time without Jack. Sticky Fingers is gone so I'm just Sipping a cup of cofee, decaf because It's too close to bedtime. I brought a book to read, too, but I haven't started it yet. I'm not sure I will. I enjoy watching the boaters, the Gentle ripples, the sun making the Water shimmer. Why did I come? To prove to myself I could do it alone, That I didn't need to spend this Splendid Sunday evening at home, To discover that I'm healed enough to Come back to "our" spot by the water and Not cry. |
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The author of the old hymn is unknown, but
It was translated from German in 1854. The words sound quaint now, but are So powerful. "Does sadness fill my mind, A solace here I find: May Jesus Christ be praised. Or fades my earthly bliss, My comfort still is this; May Jesus Christ Christ be praised." * My response to sadness? My response to loss? Praise. My solace? My comfort? Praise. How strange, but How proper! In every situation, both joyful and Painful, "May Jesus Christ be praised." *From "When Morning Gilds the Sky"
She's a new widow and I took her a
Loaf of bread. I baked it this morning, loading it with Chopped up apples and nuts. In a sense, I was returning a favor. She delivered a basket of goodies to Me when Min died, forty years ago. It was an excuse to stop by for A visit and give her a chance to vent. For two hours she recalled her Husband's cancer struggle. From beginning to end it stretched for More than twelve years. Mostly, I listened, interjecting my own Experience when it seemed right. He died at the hospice facility where Jack died, but it took him nine days, Hard days, While Jack took only four. As I sipped a glass of ginger ale, we Chatted about dying, and anguish, and Death as though it were a perfectly normal Topic of conversation, not shocked by the Grisly end of life details or overwhelming Post death tasks. We simply reminisced like old Battle scarred friends. I prayed. And as I left, she thanked me for the bread. She's a regular at Sunday services at
The nursing home. She was just a teenager when a car Crash left her brain damaged, and now She's middle aged. Her mom tenderly cared for her until she herself Died of cancer, and now Leslie resides in the Facility, sitting alone in her wheelchair, trying To feel at home, but forgetting the names of Those who attend her. She is child like, but she can still smile and Sing hymns. She wears pretty jewelry and silly rabbit ear Headbands and likes nail polish on her Hands. As we carried on a simple conversation today, Leslie told me, "You're the pretty lady who Wears glasses." I hugged her and laughed, "Thank you. No one else has ever said that to me. You made my day." It was an interesting twist. I was supposed to make hers. Their love story mimicked Jack's and mine.
They were old friends, Both widowed, And they knew after their second date that They were meant for each other. But Jack and I planned a simple ceremony at My daughter's house, while this star struck Couple wanted a wedding with all the Trimmings. I was there. It was beautiful. As they spoke their vows, I dabbed my Eyes, glad that people cry at weddings, so I didn't need to explain my tears. I understood their elation, reliving intensely Those same sacred moments with Jack, and Deep inside I groaned. I'm happy for them. I truly am. I did my duty. I rejoiced with those who rejoiced, and Then I quietly slipped out early before They cut the cake. I memorized the 23rd Psalm years ago, but
As often happens, a truth popped out To me today. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow Me all the days of my life..." * God didn't promise happiness or Carefree days. He knew there would be lots of sorrow, and Days I could barely bear. He knew I would need lots of goodness and an Abundance of mercy, and that's why He Promised they would follow me every single Day until I'm home. * Psalm 23:6 |
Dorothy Kalb Hsu Seitzinger
Writing poetry has helped me process and express my sorrows and joys, my concerns and blessings. "Life is hard, but God is good!" Archives
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