The anger surprised me. I hadn't experienced that emotion toward God before, though I certainly had the opportunity. My father's alcoholism made my growing up years difficult. Later, my husband Ken and I faced unbelievable heartache when our twin daughters were born with a rare condition called Treacher Collins Syndrome. Their deformities were so severe they weren't expected to live. But God placed people in our lives at just the exact time we needed them. Despite difficult challenges that continue to this day, our precious daughters survived and remain a blessing in our lives.
My faith also sustained me when our strong, strapping son was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had already overcome it twice. Then the news came that it was back. After spending all day with my son at the hospital, my emotions were raw. My husband came to pick me up as rain poured down. Inside the car, conditions were stormy as well. I was angry. "How could you do this God? Why did you let the cancer come back. I can't take any more." I was crying hysterically, but somehow, I was still able to make out the license plate on the car in front of us as we drove up the ramp to the freeway. It read, "Psalm 40." I asked Ken, "What is God trying to tell me now?"
"Look it up," he said. "Your Bible is under the seat."
I turned on the overhead light, pulled out the Bible and began to read the passage. "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand" (Psalm 40:1-3).
I wept again, but this time at the beauty and timing of His words. God was speaking to me as clearly as if He were in the back seat of our car. He had heard my cry. He replaced my anger with peace and calmness. He was my firm support. I'm overjoyed that my son is doing well, and after eleven years, he is still cancer-free.
An even greater test, however, came five years ago when our younger, 15- year-old son, Jonathan, died in his sleep. Remembering that moment, even now, takes my breath away. The pain remains, and always will. But I won't be angry with God again. Those verses are still true. When my world is shaken to the very core, He is my stability. He is my Rock. I can stand on Him.
Reprinted from Women's Spectrum Magazine, a publication of Women of Grace USA.